Saturday, August 11, 2012

Being a Kpop Fan

This is not really what am I now. I do enjoy Kpop music, idols and news. But it seems too hard for me to share the hobby with you, darling. I mean, most of teenagers nowadays do enjoy Kpop and being crazy fans. I didn't let myself flow into the wave of being Kpop fan. However, in some cases, I do love Kpop.

Girl-bands are awesome. Even though I'm not a regular fan who can keep up the latest news about their idols. I still sometimes go check them on google. I love how they sing, they wear, they entertain. But every time before I have a chance to confess, you seem like... talkative...

I want you to know I do enjoy boy-bands. Even though their style may not catch yours, it does catch mine. You always afraid of being compared with those "girly-man", therefore I keep my mouth shut, never tell you that I like this Idol, that Idol...

Is this what I should call jealousy? Well, maybe... I feel like broken heart when your face turns black because I say that I like a male idol. If someone ask me, who is your Kpop idol, I just want to jump out and shout many names I could remember. But in front of your face, could I?

Sorry... I'm still a little girl, a teenager... I'm not a grown up... Even being a grown up, I still want to be a Kpop fan cause I love many Korean artists... Darling, forgive me...

I don't want to make you broken heart. I'll sacrifice as much as I could. There's only one wish left: I wish you could get mad and bored about me, so that you could set me free...

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The corner

I do enjoy being in the corner. Since I was forced to go to school, I've known that I would be different. I used to be the center of attention when ever I spoke up or appeared. There are 2 reason for that unwanted attention:

1. The color of my skin: Usually, Asian Girls have beautiful fair skin. Fair skin is beautiful, gorgeous. But for a girl who always play under the sun and love water, it can be impossible to keep your skin fair color. My skin is dark and people bully me. I told mommy what they said to me, how bad I felt. Mommy just smiled. She told me not to care about them. It happened to me all the time. I didn't realize the problem until the birthday of 13: Mommy just doesn't want to sketch out anything. She wants to keep things simple and ignore what affects her. I sat down at the corner of my room, thinking about the time that I should have stood out and protected myself. It's not too late, isn't it?

I went out. People staring at me, spreading gossips about my skin. I got angry and in a moment, I started a fight which ended later with a winner was me. That child who bullied me, I fought and won. His father asked me and I told him what his son did to me. I spoke out though I knew he wouldn't believe me. Then, he nodded his head, called his son and slapped the little boy on the face. That was the moment I felt like I truly survived.

I came back to my corner, told myself to be brave. This is not the thing my mother want, she doesn't teach me that. I do it all myself. I keep it as a secret deep inside the corner of my heart.

2. The Northern Accent: I was born in the South but both my parents and aunt have Northern Accent. That was a big problem to me. As I grow up, I try hard to change my voice but still can't fit in. I remember one day, when the teacher asked me my name. I try to speak as clearly as I could. After that is the laughing of the whole class. I feel like falling down a thousand miles.

I'm always in the corner due to my "strange" accent. I can't speak mother tongue language as well as English. Even if I live in the North now, people still bully me because of my voice. I realized, therefore, I choose to live as I was. I use the accent that given to me, smile when someone laugh at my voice and stand out to protect myself whenever have a problem. I grow up now and people can't bully me anymore. My soul is sturdy enough to fight for peace.

The corner that I want to share with you today is some kind of a memory that follow you wherever you go now. It can also be a corner into a new road, a corner of your own,... What is your Corner?

Which dress should I wear on my 18th Birthday Party?